


Internal Affairs

by Polomonkey



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 04:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4905505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polomonkey/pseuds/Polomonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a miracle anyone gets anything done at Pendragon Industries, the amount of time the employees spend messing around on email...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Internal Affairs

**Author's Note:**

> Fills for my trope bingo squares 'online romance' and 'friends to lovers'

_From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Merlin Emrys  
_CC:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_Subject:_ Reference chasing

Hi Merls, can you chase up the reference for Alex Johnson? We need to send it in the next hour :) xxx

 

From: Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Gwen Smith  
_CC:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_Subject:_ Re: Reference chasing

Alex Johnson's referee is the bane of my life. She keeps promising to send it to me and then disappearing off to Florida or something...

Have you seen Cenred's new haircut? Mullet-tastic.

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Merlin Emrys  
_CC:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_Subject:_ Dare you to touch it

Oh my God, I know, he looks like the 80s threw up on him.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Gwen Smith  
_CC:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_Subject:_ Pay me £10 and I will

Maybe I should get a mullet...

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Merlin Emrys  
_CC:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_Subject:_ Not worth it

I will shave your head in the middle of the night, I swear to God.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Do you two ever do any work?

Is there a reason I've been cc'd in on this incredibly irrelevant discussion?

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Rude

The relevant bit is Alex Johnson. The mullet banter is just an added bonus, darling.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ I'd prefer a bonus of actual money

Kindly refrain from addressing me as darling in a work email.

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Wouldn’t we all?

Someone got out of bed on the wrong side this morning!

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Take it up with finance

Yes Gwen, because you and Merlin ganged up on me and literally pushed me out of it.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Zero sympathy

You deserved it for cover hogging.

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Cue Roy Scheider voice

We’re going to need a bigger bed.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Cue Richard Dreyfuss wink

No arguments here.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Cue me shutting this conversation down

Go and do some work, both of you.

P.S. Cenred looks like the ghost of a goth who died in a disco fire

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ That is oddly specific

Knew we'd drag you down with us ;)

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Your face is oddly specific

Do I have to re-issue my dire warning about using smilies in office emails?

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Blatant favouritism

You let Gwen do it!

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ So sue me

Gwen uses them sparingly. You just take the piss.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ :(

I'm hurt :'( :'( :'( :-O

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Nope

Desist immediately.

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ :(

What's wrong Arthur? :((((((

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Oh please

I'm reporting you both to HR...

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ :P

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Giant nope  
_Attached:_ I came out of the ocean because you need to stop.jpg

[](http://imgur.com/PKDblYw)

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ :-O

Do my eyes deceive me? Is Arthur Pendragon using a meme?

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ No memes

Please don't encourage him, he'll be saying doge next.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Wow.

I like that doge. He has a calming effect on me.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ So meme.

Such unexpected. Much confuse.

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ If you send me Sad Pepe, I will commit murder

You're both memer trash.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Correction

 _Unrepentant_ memer trash.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Eh?

I don't even know what memer trash is.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Re: Eh?

Alright Granddad, that's enough internet for you today.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Official warning

Careful, Merlin. You're on thin ice.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ I’m quaking

What you gonna do, spank me when we get home?

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Yay

Ooh yes, do that and then do me after!

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Not enough brain bleach in the world

Guys, you are aware part of my job is monitoring your emails, right?

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

JESUS CHRIST.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Re: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Brb, relocating to Canada.

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Chill

Relax guys, I've told Morgana way worse stuff than that ;)

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ I have no chill

That fact is the opposite of relaxing.

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Then find some

Calm yourself brother, your secrets are safe with me. I've never told a soul. Except Gwaine, of course.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Make me

You tell Gwaine?? May as well take an ad out in the Sunday Times!

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Pshhh

I'm not sure anyone reading the Sunday Times would care to hear that Merlin likes to be led around on a leash and collar, and whacked on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ You know too much

Hey!

I mean, accurate, but still...

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ As we’re spilling secrets

Morgana only tells Gwaine everything because she’s WARM FOR HIS FORM.

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Traitor

Gwaine and I are just friends!

Also, the nineties called, and even they’ve stopped saying ‘warm for ya form’.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ The nineties were a dark time

You're all fired.

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Hmm

On what grounds? Will you be forwarding this conversation to Uther as evidence?

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Re: Hmm

Touché.

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ That’s what I thought

Did you know Arthur pronounced touché as 'touchy' till he was like 20?

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Argh

Shut UP, Morgana!

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Re: Argh

Express your displeasure with a meme, Arthur. That'll show her.

 

 _From:_ Gwaine Greene  
_To_ : Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Stop leaving me out

What we talking about guys? Merlin's puppy play festish?

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine Greene, Gwen Smith, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ FFS

Actually may as well take an ad out in the Times at this point…

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine Greene, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Fancy you dropping in

Oh hey Gwaine, we were just talking about this friend of mine. See, she REALLY likes her work colleague but she’s worried about ruining the friendship so she won’t ask him out. Even though all she can talk about is his lovely accent and his cheeky grin and his fabulous hair. Any advice?

 

 _From:_ Gwaine Greene  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ He sounds like a man after my own heart

She needs to tell him! Life is for the living!

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwaine Greene, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ I do not have time for this

I can see how this one is going to play out and I think I’ve had my fair share of hijinks for one day so screw it.

Gwaine, my sister would like to take you out on a date. She is, as certain people from the nineties might put it, “warm for your form”. Please accept, bring flowers, and don’t order Pinot Noir, she hates it.

NOW CAN EVERYONE GO AND DO SOME COCKING WORK?

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine Greene, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Re: I do not have time for this

If you think I’m not coming over there to beat your ass Arthur Pendragon, you are sorely mistaken.

 

 _From:_ Gwaine Greene  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys, Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Pause on the ass kicking

Much though I’d like to see you put Arthur in a headlock – again – I’d much rather take you out to lunch right now.

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine Greene, Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Ok

Fine, whatever, I guess I’m free.

 

 _From:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_To:_ Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Did that just happen?

!!!!!

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Morgana Le Fay  
_Subject:_ Re: Did that just happen?

Eeee I’m so excited!!!!! Tell me everything when you get back!

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Ahhh

True love wins! *happy sigh*

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Re: Ahhh

I’ll refrain from sending you a romantic doge, just know that it’s in my arsenal if I ever need it.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To:_ Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Thank you for refraining

Bed shopping tonight?

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To_ : Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ Yessss

Hoorah! We’re still gonna tip you out in the mornings though.

 

 _From:_ Gwen Smith  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Seconded

Yeah, we really are.

 

 _From:_ Arthur Pendragon  
_To_ : Gwen Smith, Merlin Emrys  
_Subject:_ Fair enough

I expect nothing less.

Merlin, did you ever get that reference for Alex Johnson?

 

 _From:_ Merlin Emrys  
_To:_ Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith  
_Subject:_ !

OH BOLLOCKS

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
